FIFTY SHADES of GREY: Or, I don’t think I was supposed to read this book

So a friend of mine loaned me this book called “Fifty Shades of Grey” a few months ago. She had also given me a book about raising boys and some spiritual stuff and so I said thanks and put it in my pile. I love to read and always have at least three books going at the same time. I would get to it eventually.

So today is my 50th birthday, and as if it were a sign from God, there it was…the book…staring at me from atop the pile. A fire was blazing in the fireplace and I didn’t feel like doing much…so I snapped up the book and got comfortable on the couch.

I don’t read book jackets or reviews and I definitely don’t read the last page first. I like to be lured into the subject matter of my reading, whether it is fiction, non-fiction, historical or self-help. The cover was dark and classy and it stated that it was a “#1 New York Times Bestseller” so I knew I was in for a treat. But I did ponder how a book about the history of the Crayon could be so popular.

Oh, well…I cracked the cover and attacked the first page with unbridled vigor…

OMG!…WTF?…Hmmmm!

To be continued…

ghfool

APOCALYPSE INSURANCE: or, How to avoid God’s wrath in 12 small monthly payments

APCLYPSIA Life Plus+

At APCLYPSIA (ap-clip-sia) we understand how important life security is to you and your family. Life presents challenges to your health and well-being that are daunting and ever-present. We want you and your loved ones to be protected from pain and suffering for a lifetime and we know that’s what you want too. So, for that reason we are now offering, for a limited time, APCLYPSIA Life Plus+.

APCLYPSIA Life Plus+ equals protection from the most dreaded event in world history…the Apocalypse. You and your family can now live comfortably through the “End of Days” because you were wise enough to invest a pittance for a lifetime of carefree fortune. You might be asking yourself, “Why would they do this for me”? And the answer is, because WE CARE!

APCLYPSIA Life Plus+ provides full coverage for injury or death from the following events*:

DEATH FROM ABOVE: Asteroids, Gamma Ray Bursts from WR-104, Grand Pianos, Confetti

*Coverage is void if you go outdoors during daylight.

NATURAL DISASTERS: Global occurrence of Earthquakes, Tsunamis, Entertainment Award Shows

*Coverage is void if you ever visit or live in California…or any other location within 500 miles of a tectonic plate, salt water or Botox.

PLAGUE: Pandemic Virus, Gingivitis

*Coverage is void if you come in contact with birds or sick people.

SUPER VOLCANO: Nuclear Winter, Harvest Moon Hayride Dances

*Coverage is void if you visit Yellowstone National Park- USA, Santorini-Greece or any other known or unknown global caldera or tourist attraction.

RED TIDE: Global Infection by Toxic Single Cell Organisms and/or Donald Trump

*Coverage is void if you eat oysters, clams or mussels or live within 500 miles of a casino or community swimming pool.

GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE: Tornados, Droughts, Hurricanes, Broken Thermostat

*Coverage is void if you fail to wear SPF 100+, a wide-brim hat, wet suit and full scuba gear at all times.

ARMAGGEDON:  War of God vs. Satan, Political Advertisements, Howie Mandel

*Coverage is void if you are God or Satan or if you associate with organized crusades, rogue individuals or Walmart shoppers.

CALL your local agent now for a free quote at: 555-666-6666

APCLYPSIA Life Plus+ cares about you, contact us today…or before you’re dead!

*This policy does not cover “Acts of God” or injury or death by Zombies or Vampires under any condition. (Coverage is also void if you have seen any of the ”Twilight” series).

CALL TODAY!

ghfool