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How to Win at GOLF! Even if you don’t play

GOLF is unlike any of the other major sports in one significant way.

All the other main sports have defense and offense and whoever scores the most wins!

In Basketball, they used to employ the “four corners “ offense as a defense to keep the other team from scoring baskets. Now days they can’t do this nor can they play defense.

In Baseball, the object of half the game is to keep the other team from scoring runs when they’re at bat, but no matter what you do, you can only score runs when you’re at bat…or drinking beer and playing bouree in the locker room..

In Hockey, whoever wins the most fights and scores the most goals wins. Defense matters, but ultimately the winner is the team that scores the bloodiest goals.

Soccer is exactly the same as Hockey except no one ever scores and thousands of drunk people die.

And Football is the only major sport where you can score on defense. They actually say that “Defense wins championships”. But the truth is that the team that permanently debilitates the most opponent brains and scores the most touchdowns wins championships.

Pool, Darts, Badminton, Jai Alai, Farmville, Poker, Rugby, Bowling, Horseshoes, Words with Friends, Snowboarding, Volleyball, boxing, MMA, Tennis, Angry Birds.  It’s all about scoring!

Now consider GOLF. Golf is about NOT scoring! There is no defense and the object of the offense is to score as little as possible and less than all your opponents.

So I was thinking, when you’re playing golf, why not just not play? Lowest score wins. You score a zero and beat anyone over par. Easily!

I couldn’t have been the first person to think of this. Could I?


Wild Cheerleaders on PPFA and KFC

Cheerleading is a classic sport that goes back in time as far as men have been on the planet. Trust me. And yes, I called it a “sport”…OK…it requires physical skill, sanctioned competition, shoes and underwear.

Roll those RRs Mamasita!

It’s a sport, no argument! So I was watching the NCAA March Madness College Basketball Tournament today and there was this one young woman that I swear didn’t have underwear on and this other that was apparently sponsored by KFC.  Rule breaking in progress! I was outraged except for the no underpants part.

She said she was 18!

And I got to thinking, like I’m apt to do when I’m not passed out, and I was thinking…I said that already didn’t I…anyway  Next thing you know society will make it legal for wild animals to drive drunk.

Wake Board Cheerleaders are this year's Surf Board Cheerleaders!

My point is that if you don’t eat healthy, then you might end up being an extra-chunky, pantiless cheerleader who gets run over by a hammered wildebeest bus driver! That might sound enticing to the “Y” generation but although I’ve never been a woman nor a licensed wild animal, I’m confident that being a fat cheerleader places you in the fast lane on the highway to HELL! So push away from the all-you-can-eat buffet and follow the bright light cast by these excellent examples of future mothers in waiting. Oh, and please defend yourself – always!

Good kind of dizzy!

College degree in SHINEY




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