Divorce Sucks and then you have SEX! Or a serious note to my offspring

Today was a very solemn moment in my life for it is the day where I ultimately lost my wife (and in a way, my family). This morning I signed off on all the “Final Orders of Dissolution” which is a Politically Correct way of saying “Divorce”. All that is left is her signature and the court’s approval. Sigh!

I’m not big on sharing this publicly but I can’t help myself today. In a few days, the life and love that I shared a common commitment with for 24 years will be represented by nothing but a stack of papers in a file that says “you failed”. It wasn’t supposed to end this way. This was not the plan. Sigh!

I did nothing other than be the best husband and father that I could be…but that was somehow not enough. And as a result, I get banished, and my three wonderful children must now live apart from me, 2,500 miles away with their mother. She gets them for 300+ days a year and I the rest, but they are ours to share for a lifetime…and I love them more than life itself.

They spent the summer here with me in Texas and we grew together as if all four of us were brothers. We laughed and fought and wrestled and taught and goofed and hugged a lot. We had a grand time.  My soul has a hole that cannot be filled by anything but their presence. I miss them dearly. Sigh!

There is so much I could say here, but I choose to express the only thing that matters…

I love my children, I miss my children and I know that they love and miss me too. My greatest hope is that I can be their hero just as they are heroes to me.

God bless you, Tillman, Layton and Harrison! You are loved!

ghfool

THINGS THAT YOU SHOULDN’T DO WHILE DRIVING: Or, cell phone + lipstick = Hot Chick

There is so much chatter these days about how we should ban cell phones in cars ’cause they put people in a daze. Well, I disagree! Humbly!

Not that accidents don’t occur when people talk on their phones, while driving, just that it’s not the cell phones fault and my points just arriving…it’s the humans..for those of you who might not know, it’s another word for person or man and woman or even HO! OK, now that you know, let’s talk about cosmetics and nevermind prosthetics…women are masters of their domain and don’t forget it!

And speaking of stars, I’ve seen many ladies driving and getting dolled up in their cars.

“No problem… I’ve flown a rocket into space.

So give me sum room ‘cause I’m puttin’ butter on my face.

 Driving 30 miles per hour in a school zone.

I may be naughty, hey, but I’m not alone.

Looking good is what’s important, it’s my daily drill,

 So get outta my way because I have a really good lawyer”

And I know we all hate traffic, we’re in a hurry because school is out. With soccer, football, vollyball and chess, regardless, when it comes to the peddle we cannot give it a rest. But when we think of school and fundamentals, then some of of us have figured out how to just chill out. Or are we just nerds or as Dr. Seuss would say,  Flurpitty gerds?!

“Reading is fundamental,

For some it’s also kinda mental

Reading and driving makes sense

Brake light, CRAP, now I lost my sentence.”

We all get hungry. It’s a fact. But what do you do when you’re on the road and need a snack? I do the drive-thru and get my double-on and supersize everything…including bling….and also overfilling this section of my blog in order to avoid editing.

“Hey, I’m hungry, lets’ go to McDoughnalds!”

“Hey, after Micky-D’s let’s go to that club where all the guys please.

 OK, but hold the wheel for me while I eat my fries and cheese.  

Sure, oh shit, I dropped my nugget,

Where?

On the fuckinn floor next to your wallet,

Fuckit…I don’t own a wallet, bitch

Well, It must be your boyfriend’s, you twat… I’ve gotta drive

Just watch the fucking road while I eat my fucking fries”

Rock and pop music is the spawn of the devil!

“I didn’t actually coin that phrase

but I believe in it because kids these days

when they’re having fun driving, singing, gyrating and chewing gum

Everyone else is fucking pissed off at other drivers being dumb

Sometimes you just gotta ignore the cramps,

And push it, push it…turn up the amps!”

Let’s not disrespect the rockers and poppers with their amazing bouncing cars and supersonic bass sounds that will shatter all your jars. They deserve to be exalted for their unique ability to drive their vehicle as though they are sitting on their knees (err couch) watching Tosh.0 with a bong in one hand and fire rainbows when they pee.

That’s all I have to say for now. Peace out!

ghfool