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FB Cheddar: or, How to get your CHEESE On! or, Holy Asiago Batman!

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  • Watching a cheesy movie…

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The Mozzarella Connection? The Parmesan Chronicles? Harry Potter and the Chamber of Swiss? Monty Python and the Holy Gouda? The Hunger Ricotta?

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 Tell me damnit! Or I will continue to soil this post!

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Anonymous It was an awful flick called …

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The Cheddar Redemption?

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Anonymous Romano Holiday

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The Wizard of Muenster!

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 Romano Holiday is not cheesy. It’s one of the best movies ever! Gregory Peck and AUDREY HEPBURN (can you say goddess). Tell me you’re kidding.

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s I’m kidding

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 Pepper Jack Blackula?

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 Provalone vs. Gorgonzola?

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OK. Thanks for inspiring a future blog. All my comments are now copyright protected.

My Left Feta?

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Please comment with your own cheese titled movie.

ghfool

A Rolling Stone gathers no moss…Sponsored by AstroGlide personal lubricant!

So as a new member of the EMP (Experience Music Project), I get a free one-year subscription to Rolling Stone, the magazine. It’s hard to believe but it was way back in college when I was last an active subscriber and reader of this fantastic mag. I remember removing all the covers and papering my wall in a collage of rock ‘n’ roll stars and other celebrities. Sadly, I tossed my collection away years ago when I decided to stop hoarding. Self-intervention is hard, but satisfying.

So I crack open my first edition of RS in years and my head was spinning…in a good way. Here is a summary of Issue 1157.

Midgets (sorry, less-than-tall-people)

Hatfields and McCoys (How to hate your neighbors)

Christina Aguilera (needs to push away from the all-you-can-eat buffet)

My Ray-Ban Wayfarers are back in style (whoo hoo…Spring Break 2013 here I come)

Adam Yauch died (So watcha, watcha, watcha want?)

Aerosmith is gonna walk this way again (just gimme a kiss)

Iggy Pop looks like a snowboarder (on crack)

Tim McGraw is one lucky bastard (photo evidence included)

Pot is more popular than ever (just legalize it already)

Adam Lambert has a really steep driveway (that’s what he said)

Advertisers spend a ton of money on cell phone ads (I only need one, thanks)

Lionel Ritchie…the next Charlie Pride? (the rebel commadores?)

Male models sure wear a lot of oil on their skin (shiney!)

Stone Temple Pilots are Reuniting (Hard “Core”!)

Marilyn Manson is still alive (who knew?)

Julia Louis-Dreyfus is the first V.P. that I would bang (excuse me President Clinton, can I borrow your desk for a few minutes?)

Jersey Shores characters  are still newsworthy (move along, there’s nothing to see here)

You can now ski atop your Ben & Jerry’s Frozen Yogurt (lift ticket not included)

Cameras are trying to compete with cell phones (snap…good luck)

Rihanna looks pretty hot in a bikini and cowboy hat (yee haw!)

Kim Kardashian can only hide her huge ass by wearing black at night (can also be seen from a satellite)

Nicki Minaj is an alien (the truth is out there!)

Jack White is my new god (check out this thrash festival)

Ron Wood is still alive (I think)

Lady Gaga has now entered the Dr. Seuss zone! (purple gurple slurple durple…and ham)

Peter Dinklage is short in stature but tall in talent (and ego)

Dave Thomas’s daughter “Wendy” looks like she gets high on her own supply (if ya know what I mean)

If you want a sex change…first thing you do is tell your wife. (fuck her first, then tell her.)

Cigarettes cause cancer…electronic or not (neck holes are not attractive)

Our Gov’t is broken (Bat signal!!!!)

John Mayer got top rating for his new album (now if he would just keep his mouth shut, we could enjoy his singing)

Willie Nelson is still alive (and awesome)

I love the beach…but never the Beach Boys (I don’t know how to explain myself)

I bet good money that Shirley Manson would be a honey badger in the sack! (Grrrr)

Tom Hanks’ wife can apparently sing (probably the only thing Tom can’t do)

Elvis lives (through his daughter)

The Red Hot Chili Peppers are back (and absurd as usual)

Batman has a six-pack to go with his cowl (Christopher Nolan is also a god)

Comic book super heroes have taken over the world (it’s about time…please fix everything before 12.21.12)

Johnny Depp teams up with Tim Burton (it’s about time!)

Charlize Theron kicks Kristen Stewarts’ ass in every possible way possible…way! (way!)

Ridley Scott is not an Alien…but he is out of this world (Bladerunner sequel/prequel…YES!)

Tom Cruise has a sense of humor and little ego (take note all you young’uns wanting to be famous)

So when women are naked etc. it’s exploitation…but now that men are doing it’s O.K. (dictionary…looking up “double standard”)

Pixar doesn’t screw up a movie for the gazillionth time (Are they hiring?)

Astroglide is “slick good fun” (I just bought a tub full)

Stub Hub wants you to buy concert tickets from them (like we really have a choice)

Miracle Whip is taking the fight to Mayonnaise…where is Col. Mustard when you need him?

Siri just told me to stop typing…

ghfool

Oscar Tattoo: “Boss boss, de pain, de pain!”

Mr. Billy Crystal-Roarke: “You have been invited tonight as my special guests. Each of you is here for a reason, a reason so mysterious and private that not even TMZ knows about it yet. So take off that floppy hat, remove your sunglasses and get your popcorn ready.

Welcome to Oscar Fantasy Island!”

O.K., enough of that. Here is your fantasy challenge. Make your picks on the 10 categories below and fulfill your own personal fantasy (see game details):
1) Pick the winners of the six main categories. (1 point each)(You know what they are)
2) Will Billy Crystal say something in Yiddish? (Yes or No) (half credit given for Spanish)
3) Who will be the last person shown in the “In Memorium” segment? (double credit if you pick “Billy Crystal”)
4) Will the show go under or over 3 hours? (Under or Over) (no credit if you pick “Over”)
5) Will Crystal mention the “L.A. Clippers”? (Yes or No) (double credit if Crystal dunks a basketball after leaping over a car)
6) Will Jack Nicholson be in the audience and will Crystal mention both Jack and Kobe Bryant in the same statement? (Yes or No)
7) Will someone mention either the environment or Obama in their acceptance speech? (Yes or No) (triple credit if anyone mentions “Gore” or “Biden”)
8) Will Robin Williams appear more than once during the broadcast? (Yes or No)(double credit if he hugs someone on camera)
9) The Best Animated Movie will be? (I don’t know who the nominees are)
10) Who was the Hottest Babe Presenter? (My choice, so you have to guess what I’m thinking)

Game details: This is the honor system folks, so grab a pen and paper, and write down your picks. At the end of the night, do the math and notify me of your score by 5pm cst Tuesday. The highest scorer earns a guest spot on one of my future blogs (really) and a lifetime supply of Lazy Cakes (not really).

Oh and since this is my very first ever blog, your chances of winning are really, really good…but you can’t win, if you don’t play!

Part II: My Picks vs. the Vegas Line
Here we go! I have $30 pretend dollars to bet on the six main categories. Do the same and if you beat me in fake wagering total won, I will add 2 points to your total above.

BEST PICTURE
Favorite: The Artist -2000
Longshot: The Tree of Life +10000
Best Bet?: The Descendants +1000, The Help +1500

Who do I think will win? The Artist
Who would I bet money on? The Help $4.00

BEST DIRECTOR
Favorite: Michel Hazanavicius -1000
Longshot: Terrence Malick +5000, Woody Allen +5000
Best Bet?: Martin Scorcese +500, Alexander Payne +2000

Who do I think will win? Martin Scorcese
Who would I bet money on? Martin Scorcese $10.00

BEST ACTOR
Favorite: Juan Dujardin -200
Longshot: Demian Bichir +5000
Best Bet?: George Clooney +150

Who do I think will win? George Clooney
Who would I bet money on? George Clooney $5.00

BEST ACTRESS
Favorite: Viola Davis -250
Longshot: Rooney Mara +5000, Glen Close +5000
Best Bet?: Meryl Streep +130

Who do I think will win? Voila Davis
Who would I bet money on? Meryl Streep $7.00

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Favorite: Christopher Plummer -10000
Longshot: Jonah Hill +4000
Best Bet?: Max Von Sydow +1500

Who do I think will win? Christopher Plummer
Who would I bet money on? Jonah Hill $2.00

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Favorite: Octavia Spencer -2500
Longshot: Janet McTeer +5000
Best Bet?: Melissa McCarthy +3000

Who do I think will win? Octavia Spencer
Who would I bet money on? Melissa McCarthy $2.00

Oh and btw, I haven’t seen any of these movies.

GlassHalfFool.com

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